The Beautiful Release

There is a band that I have become fond of named Zale.  They are some of the most beautiful people I have had the privilege of meeting and knowing.  I saw them for the first time in a very small venue here in Columbus back in February. I got to talking with their lead singer Hannah after the show, and we both got extremely excited when we figured out we grew up less that 10 miles from each other. We had this instant connection as we talked about our passions and understood how each other felt.  Now when she comes to town, we try and hang out together for a few moments. I always look forward to seeing this beautiful soul and amazing woman.

After Zale's last show in Columbus, I had this thought.  (Have you ever had something that just wouldn't let go of you?) You see, I had written a poem almost a year ago to help me cope with some burdensome emotions.  After posting it to this blog, my sister saw it and told me I needed to make it a song. (Thanks, Marynan.) I spent several weeks toying with that idea and putting it together, trying several times over the last year to record it and post the song. However, I never had the courage to do it.  I also have never played it for anyone ... until yesterday. As I sat in Cannon Brewpub yesterday with Hannah enjoying a beer with her and several others, she and I began our own conversation. Very nervously I told her, "Hannah, about a year ago I wrote a song. I've never sung it for anyone and I've never posted or recorded it and I know that I will not do anything with it. I’d like to give it to you."

With wide eyes, a small smile and a big heart she said, "Can I read it?" I reluctantly said, “Yes." still not knowing what would actually come of this. When she finished reading it, she asked if I would play it for her after their sound check. "What did I just do?” I thought.  "I've never played it for anyone ... I don't want to do this."

When Hannah left for her sound check at the venue, I sat down with my friend Loreley and told her what had happened. "Why haven't you recorded it or played it for anyone?" she asked. 

"I'm scared. I know that when I play this song for anyone, it will end this emotional storm. It will mean that I have released it."  The look Loreley gave me in that moment told me everything I needed to hear. 

Isn't that strange? I wouldn't play it because I didn't want to be over it. How many of us are like this? We hold to things from our past scared of what will happen if we let go of them. Whether those things are good or bad, if we hold on to them it's like we are walking through life looking backwards instead of looking forward.  Hoping for the past and neglecting both the present and the future! How asinine is that mentality? I was literally hoping for something that had already come and gone and hanging on to it as if it would change my future.  I was living life in the past instead of the present moment working toward a future.  

With Loreley, I walked over to the sound check. I think she knew I needed some serious support in that moment, which I did, for by the time the sound check had ended, I had started to sweat and become really apprehensive about playing . It wasn't just a song, it was my heart I was putting out there.

While sitting in the green room, I told them the story behind the song and began to play. No eye contact was made, but the intensity of that moment is beyond description. OH, SO BEAUTIFUL!

When the piece ended, there was a moment of silence ... as if we all recognized the moment: the beautiful release that had just taken place. There was no clapping. Just understanding. And only one question: "How do you feel?"  I didn't answer ... with my head still staring down, I just lifted my hands as they shook uncontrollably. I broke my silence with, "It's yours if you want it." The only verbal response given was, “Damn!” Hannah gave me a kiss on the cheek and told me that she was proud of me.  

I am so grateful for Hannah’s friendship and encouragement! I am truly thankful for the members of the band Zale, and for their talent, passion and encouragement to all they meet. They are truly beautiful souls. I am also incredibly thankful for a friend like Loreley who walked beside me in this moment.  I love you all and I'm so grateful for The Beautiful Moment shared with you. 

Recording coming soon.