A Happiness Jones

I heard this song several times over the last couple of days called Happiness Jones by The Wood Brothers (Link at the bottom).  The opening lines of the song are...

"All of my wisdom came from all the toughest days
I never learned a thing being happy"

2019 was not kind to me. Not in the least bit from losing a job and having to move from a town I love back to Columbus to having someone I thought I was going to marry end things with me. But had it been an easy year I don't know that all of own faults would have risen up nor would I have recognized the reoccurring patterns that were taking place in some of my relationships. This has happened mostly because of some heavy duty soul searching and a no nonsense counselor/therapist who has put me in my place more than once.

This may seem a little narcissistic to write about but maybe the one or two of you who read this will have some sort of solace because you have or are dealing with some hard things in your own life. So here are a few things I have learned about myself in the last yr.

If you haven't done any reading into the Enneagram personalities (numbered 1-9) I would highly recommend doing so. Outside of my counseling/therapy this reading has opened my eyes to the way I relate to other people both in a stressed mentality and in my healthy mentality. The idea behind this is it shows you "the box" that we have built for ourselves and how to get out of it. Through this I have learned that I am what is referred to as a #8 (Challenger).

So just a quick synopsis. The Challenger has several characteristics. But the ones that sort of hit home for me were the ones dealing with the status quo. I hate being stagnate. Which is why I hated coming back to Columbus in the beginning. I felt like I was going backwards. This is also why I don't like indecision in my relationships whether it be friends, dating, or working. In other words, I realize that I am not a very patient person sometimes.

Having this sort of "personality" comes with a few downfalls too (as they all do). My biggest downfall is probably lust. Not lust as in sex. Lust as in lust for life. Lust for what is next and what is coming. A want to be full blown in the mix and the need to fill my time with people and activities. Leaving me little to no time to have my own thoughts. No time to be alone with them and think through my emotions.

Another discovery is that I'm an Empath. "Whoa! Who calls themselves that!?" I know trust me. When my counselor called me that and I "politely" asked her to explain what she meant because I immediately took offense to it. She explained it like this...

Two friends are on a hike and one falls into a ditch and breaks an ankle to the extent they can't get out. If the friend is sympathetic they will climb down and sit them with them and then you have two people stuck in the ditch because sympathy won't leave.  If the other friend is empathetic they will do their best to get help. They realize that there is no use in getting into the ditch because it won't solve the situation.

This means that the empath is easy to take advantage of because they will end up running around trying to do for others to the detriment of themselves and those closest to them. Combine that with my "lust for life" and I'll do just about anything and let myself be taken for granted and used.

So I have started to set boundaries and standards for myself and my relationships. And when people try and cross them or try and get me to do the same... It's game over. I highly recommend you do this in your own life. Most of us have standards and boundaries. But set these hard in the ground and root them.  Be ok with hearing and telling the truth. People are worth the truth, you included. And when people don't give you the truth... walk away and tell them why you're doing it in a loving way. Their response to this will tell you a lot them and your friendship.

No! It's not easy. And Yes! It will hurt like hell sometimes because you are having to do it to friends and people you love. No one is exempt from the standards you set. Not even oneself. Your friend group may get smaller but those are the ones that respect you and your standards. They understand what you are doing.

There are 3 of us in a group of 6 that have birthdays next week and we are celebrating together... for the that is my friend group here. They have experienced the last year with me in many ways and have for some reason decided to keep me around. They are also the ones that understand the standards without me telling them. It's gonna be a good birthday... But more or less because I'll be with them...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LKIoiVWwF5A

Draconic

Living a nightmare right now

I want to wake up so badly.

I want this to end.

Forever ago it seems

That this begins.

The silence is deafening.

It’s truth is painfully… present.

Speaking louder as the day goes on.

It was me that caused it.

It was you that unleashed it.

But truth is what happened.

To be caught in a lie

And then you try…

A reaction out of hurt.

An approach of holding a standard.

I caused the pain.

I unleashed the anger.

I hold the standard.

And a friend will hold it high…

If not…

It’s time to say goodbye…

It's a Quarter...

Hey All, I know, I know… It’s been longer than it should have. However, If you remember one of my last blogs I made a promise that I would not under any circumstances post about things in my life if I have not found the “other side”. I have unfortunately not been able to find the other side of some of the events that have taking place. But I thought I might write about somethings that have happened and are just simple stories.

Last December we had one of Sundays that was just a brutal day weather wise. But it’s the kind of weather I like. It’s cold, dark, raining… and let’s not forget windy. I know, it’s strange for anyone raised in Middle Georgia to like this type of weather. But I can’t help it. Mostly because it gives me a really good excuse to make some chili. And that is exactly what I did.

I don’t live far from an Aldi so I went up there to get my ingredients. In case you are unaware of how Aldi operates with their carts. You put a quarter into the car and it unlocks it. When you return your cart you get your quarter back. 

After I had placed all of items into my bags after checking out. I was getting ready to leave when a woman stopped me, “Excuse me sir. Could I give you a dollar for your cart? I don’t want to stand in line to get quarters.” You could see the angst in her eyes and hear the desperation in her voice. 

“Ma’am you can just have the cart. I’m not taking a dollar for a quarter.”

“Sir all I have is a dollar. I don’t have any quarters.”

As I took my things from the cart and passed it to her I said, “Ma’am please just take the cart. It’s a quarter… I’ll survive. Have a good day.”

She took her dollar and placed it back in her clutch and as she placed it in the cart. She looked up at me with tears in her eyes and mouthed, “Thank You.” In such a low level that I never heard her say it. Just saw her lips move. 

This happened right around Christmas. “Tis the season” right? What about the rest of the year? Why not just be kind when we see the opportunity brewing? Just love for the sake of love. 

Do it in such a way that no one knows. If you do it for the recognition the true impact of helping a fellow human being is lost. I believe that people are worth a couple of things. One of them is kindness. I’m not saying that you have to be a doormat and let people walk on you. You can be kind and not be a doormat.

When love is shown and given, the impact is made… a quarter is capable…